Checking in with Reality For some women, the reality of being pregnant doesn't set in right away. During the first few weeks it's easy to be swept along in a rush of excitement, hormones, and fantasies of the future. Bringing a child into the world can be the most exhilarating experience a woman can have. But are you ready? Have you taken the time to really consider the responsibilities and financial practicalities that are part of being a mother? There are four exercises below. Pick the ones that appeal to you. EXERCISE: Think about the fantasies you've had about being a mom: * how old did you want to be? * did you want to be married or single? * what kind of career did you see yourself as having? * what would your financial picture be like? * would you stay-at-home or use daycare? * what would your living situation be? EXERCISE: Even if you're in a relationship, it can be a real eye-opener to talk to a single mom. What about spending the day, and night as well, with a single mother you know. Help her go through the daily routines. Imagine doing it on your own. Spending 24 hours with a single mom and her child might stir maternal feelings in you, or you might end up collapsing from exhaustion. Document your experience in your journal. EXERCISE: Write down all the thoughts that come into your mind, such as "I'm in a stable/unstable relationship," or "I'm in a financially good/bad place," or "I have/haven't finished school." Write down as many points as you can. Then go over each statement and rate it as positive or negative. Now count up the positives and negatives. See which negative statements you might be able to change. What does this information reflect? Does it represent reality? EXERCISE: This exercise gets to the meat and potatoes, literally, of raising a child. It might be helpful to print this section out, and go on a type of a "scavenger hunt" for the answers to some of these questions. The Basics for a Healthy Pregnancy Write down everything you eat each day for a week, then discuss your diet with a health professional, who can determine whether you are eating adequately for you and the baby. Good nutrition is important for a healthy pregnancy, and is also important after the pregnancy if you plan on breast feeding. Can you quit all recreational/street drugs, cigarette smoking and drinking alcohol? You should also consult a doctor regarding any medication you are taking, since some drugs can be harmful to foetal development. See a doctor to check out your overall health. Are there any major health concerns? Regular exercise is important unless your doctor advises you that exercise could jeopardize your health or the pregnancy. Make a plan for physical fitness, even if that just means going for daily walks. Income Will you be able to keep working while you are pregnant? What are your current employer's policies on maternity leave? How accomodating will your employer be after the baby is born (for example, job sharing, child sick leave, etc.)? You may be eligible for financial assistance (welfare). Find out how much you would be eligible to receive. (See your Blue Pages for local listings.) Is the father willing and capable of supporting you and the baby? How much can you count on him for on a monthly basis? Housing Do you have a friend or family member who will provide you with free or low-cost housing? Would this place a strain on your relationship? If you're thinking about staying with your mother, consider the possibility that your ideas on child raising might be different. Could this be a source of friction? How do you think this will affect your child? If you can't arrange housing with family or friends, check the newspaper for approximate cost of apartments. Call your hydro and telephone companies, for estimated monthly costs. (Don't forget hook-up charges.) Other Expenses Ask family, friends and charitable organizations which baby items they will be able to provide for you. Then figure out which items on the list below you will need to provide yourself. Go to a second-hand or department store and price out the items that you will have to buy: * crib * bathtub * change table * high chair * baby clothes * blankets * winter wear * play pen * car seat Calculate the cost of diapers for one month. Infants go through 8-12 diapers a day. Toddlers use 4-6. (To find a diaper service, check the Yellow Pages.) * disposable diapers * cloth diapers * diaper service Would you breastfeed or bottle feed? Price of breastfeeding: * 2 nursing bras * protective pads * juice bottes Price of bottle feeding: * bottles (how many would you need? * formula for a month Babies go through a lot of laundry. Do you have access to free machines? Are there pay machines where you live? If not, how far away is the nearest laundromat? How much would it cost to do at least four loads a week? If the laundromat is a ways away, can you get there with a baby, diaper bag, and a load of laundry? Babies grow out of their clothes every three months in the first year. Are there family, friends or charitable organizations you can count on for hand-me-downs? If not, check out the price of baby clothes at second-hand or department stores. Do you have friends or family members who can give you maternity clothes? If not, check out how much they would cost. Find out the cost of daycare per month, and whether or not they take infants. Do you have friends or family who would look after the baby from time to time? How often can you count on them? If not, find out how much babysitting costs (remember, most teenagers won't look after infants). How much will you need every month for groceries and toiletries? Reality Cheque! Now subtract your housing and other expenses from your income / income assistance. Do you have enough? Is there anything left over? For emergencies, like medication. Don't forget that life is full of unpredictable expenses.
	If you have questions about the decision-making process, please drop us a line. skye@prochoiceconnection.com