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Identifying Your Feelings
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Right now, you may be overwhelmed with emotions, many of which seem to contradict one another. Or the shock of finding out that you're pregnant might have left you feeling numb. Identifying your feelings, and understanding what they mean to you, will help you in your decision-making process.
It is important to name which emotions are coming up for you, but it's getting to know what those feelings actually mean that will help you have a fuller understanding of what you really want to do. For example, you might feel sad. When you examine why you feel this way, you might discover that even though you love the father, and would love to have a child with him, the timing isn't right. The same emotion can have a completely different meaning for another woman. She may feel sad, because even though she's keeping the child, she knows that it means having to give up the lifestyle she once lived. For some women, it may be enough to consider the practical and logical reality of their situation to make a decision. But others need to respond to a deeper sense of what feels right. What if your gut feeling is at odds with your reality? Some women make the decision to become mothers under the most difficult circumstances - because that is what their intuition and gut feelings tell them to do. I knew one woman who felt compelled to have a child, despite the fact that she was unemployed, had no training, not even her grade 12, no family in the province, and the father wanted nothing to do with her or the pregnancy. Despite all this, she had a profound inner sense that motherhood was right for her. Other women can have everything in place that we imagine as necessary for having children. When they find themselves unexpectedly pregnant, however, they may feel, somewhere deep inside, that they simply aren't ready. Sometimes identifying and understanding your emotions can be difficult. If you're having difficulty sorting out your feelings by yourself, try talking to someone or making an appointment with an options counsellor. EXERCISE:When trying to identify your feelings, it's important to find the time and space a decision like this deserves. The answers are within us - we just have to sit quietly with them so we can hear them. Sit with your emotions for awhile. As you think about your pregnancy, how do you feel? Where do you feel it on your body? Is your body telling you anything? Give yourself all the space you need to fully realize your feelings. EXERCISE: Sometimes when we feel overwhelmed with emotions, it's almost like the keys of an old-fashioned typewriter jamming - all 26 letters at once. There are always a few keys which get stuck a little closer to the paper than the others. If your emotions are all jammed up, it can be useful to find out which ones are at the head of the jam. Write down all the feelings you're experiencing. Next, give each of these feelings a percentage (out of one hundred). Think about the time and intensity of each emotion. When it comes to intensity, maybe you experience each emotion 100%. Then try to figure out how much time, in percent, each emotion takes up. For instance, you might feel 50% scared, 20% resentful, 20% pressured, 5% ashamed, and 5% excited. Once you know which emotions are "closest to the page," you can give each one the attention it deserves. EXERCISE: Wait a couple days, then say to yourself "I'm having a baby" (or another baby). This is not a commitment to a decision. It is just a way of experiencing what it might be like if you did decide to have the baby. The next day, say to yourself "I'm not having the baby." Explore the feelings you have on each day. Maybe keep a journal of these thoughts and feelings. EXERCISE: It's good to let your feelings out, and it's good to nurture them. How do you normally express yourself? Through art? Music? Writing? If you don't normally express yourself this way, it might be interesting to try! |
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