Deciding To Decide The first and most basic step in the decision-making process is simply deciding to decide. Some women see their unplanned pregnancy as a sign that they are "meant to" have the child - that it is fate. But what exactly is "meant to be"? Is it motherhood, adoption, abortion, or miscarriage? One woman, unexpectedly pregnant, made a difficult decision to have an abortion. Years later, after finishing her education, she decided to work in an abortion clinic. Looking back, this woman feels that it was her fate to have an abortion, to understand the experience, and to become a counsellor to help other women. Another woman, finding herself unexpectedly pregnant, saw putting her child up for adoption as "meant to be." She was adopted herself by a loving family, and wanted to give her child a chance to fulfill a couples' dream of parenthood. So, what is "meant to be" does not mean the same thing to every woman. Some women have been raised to see the exercise of control as scary, threatening, even unfeminine. They feel that the future, and the responsibility for decision making, is in the hands of God, or controlled by natural forces. Other women decide to take their future into their own hands, believing that only by being in control of their lives can they do what they feel to be "God's will." When I think of the times my girlfriends and I use the term fate, it is usually looking back on a situation, and ascribing meaning to what happened. The truth is, though, that we can never know what would have happened if we had made different choices in our lives. Who knows, things could have turned out better. No matter what choices we make, most of us look back on our decisions and believe that they worked out for the best, that they were "meant to be." EXERCISE: Write down two or three problems that you have had in the past, or decisions you've had to make. How did you solve your problems or make your decisions? Did you do anything? Or did you just wait to see what would happen? Some people believe that it's important to actively make a decision, and not just let things happen. How do you feel about that? What would happen if you did nothing?
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