Adoption The Adoption Option Adoption is a very large subject, with far-reaching implications for mother, child and others involved. To make things even more complex, adoption laws vary between provinces and territories. If you are thinking about putting your child up for adoption, you will want to look into the specifics of adoption regulations where you live. In Canada, adoption laws are made and administered at the provincial level - and every province seems to have its own policies. All provinces arrange adoptions through child welfare departments. In addition, Alberta, British Columbia, Ontario, Quebec, and Saskatchewan have licensed, not-for-profit adoption agencies. Some provinces permit "private" adoptions, in which the birth mother makes a "direct placement" of her child into an adoptive home. Although all adoptions have to be approved in court to register a legal change of parents, adoptions by relatives and step-parents often do not have to be approved by government or an agency. Click here for a list of public and private adoption services in Canada. Click here for a list of Internet adoption links. Putting a child up for adoption means giving somebody else the legal right and responsibility to raise your child. In the past, this meant giving up the baby to a government agency shortly after it was born. The agency would place the baby in a home, and then close the book on further contact. A woman who gave up an "unwanted child" was supposed to put the incident behind her forever, and adoption records were kept strictly confidential. There was no recognition of the fact that many birth mothers feel and live with grief, and little or no emotional support was offered. Modern adoptions can be very different. In contrast to the old style of "confidential" or "closed" adoptions, "open" adoption policies give birth mothers who desire it a strong voice in the future of their children. There are varying levels of "openness" arrangements. In the least open adoptions, the birth mother reads descriptions of possible adoptive families, and picks the one that sounds best for her child. All parties, however, remain anonymous. In more open arrangements, the birth mother speaks with possible adoptive families on the telephone, and exchanges first names. In even more open adoptions, a social worker or lawyer arranges for a meeting between the birth mother and the possible adoptive families. In the most open adoptions, the birth parents get to know the birth mother, send her pictures and updates, and might even allow her to call, write, and visit the child as it grows. Some adoptive parents form a bond with the birth mother, and have even been present at the birth of the child. All of these options exist to give birth mothers, and adoptive families, the level of contact that most closely matches their emotional needs. Although open adoption allows many women a measure of reassurance, closed adoption may better suit the circumstances and personalities of some. Many adoption agencies, whether public or private, will help you work out an open adoption agreement, if that is what you decide you want. In addition, an agency will provide free-of-charge counselling, before, during, and after the adoption. Is Adoption Right For Me? Probably because it is easier to get an abortion these days, and because being a single parent no longer carries the negative social stigma it used to, fewer women are choosing to give their children up for adoption than did in the past. Many women feel that after nine months of pregnancy and the pain of delivery, they would be too attached to the baby to give it up. (Some women do feel differently about their decision after the baby is born, which is why there is a short period of time after the adoption papers are signed during which the birth mother can legally change her mind.) Other women worry that once they give the baby up, they will feel guilt, wonder if it is being well cared for, or spend the rest of their lives asking themselves if they did the right thing. While open adoption arrangements can take some of the edge off these feelings, many women are profoundly affected by adoption. For some women, however, neither abortion nor motherhood feel like feasible alternatives. For them, carrying the pregnancy to term and placing the child in a good home can be an act of love. Some questions to ask when considering adoption *How will I feel after the adoption? *How does the father feel about adoption? *Would adoption be easier or harder for me if I could stay in touch with the child and the adoptive parents? *Would I want to meet the adoptive parents, or have the arrangements made by a third party? *Would I want the adoptive parents involved in the pregnancy? *Would I want to spend time with the baby before signing the adoption papers? *Am I prepared to go through 9 months of pregnancy? Exercise: Imagine that it's 18 years from now, and the child you put up for adoption wants to know why you didn't keep her. How will you feel? What will you say? Exercise: Describe the type of family you would want to adopt your child.
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